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When it comes to packing for a weekend trip away, it’s hard to strike that perfect balance. Underpack, and you’ll feel sheepish rocking up to an impromptu fancy dinner in beaten-up trainers. Overpack, and you’ll curse yourself as you lug home a suitcase of unworn clothes.

We think we’ve struck on the perfect solution for a well-stocked but not overpacked holdall: shoes, bag and a selection of jewellery pieces that can complete any and every outfit. Whether you’re planning to party, gallery hop, explore the side streets or all of the above, these items should hold you in good stead.

And that’s where CHARLES & KEITH come in. As longtime fans, we can vouch for the one-piece-fits-all-outfits effect of their trend-led footwear and accessories. To prove it we called in three members of the Refinery29 team to share their plans for an upcoming weekend escape, and asked them to style three outfits using what we’ve come to realise is the holy trinity of packing – just one pair of CHARLES & KEITH shoes, a bag and jewellery pieces – in every look. 

Read on to find out what looks they created…

Eni Subair, Editorial Assistant

Weekend Escape: Visiting mates in Manchester. Long dinners, nights out and late breakfasts.

Having had (many) situations where I’ve either packed too light and forgotten all my tops (true story) or as if I’m preparing for a round-the-world trip, I think I’ve finally managed to find a balance between the two.

Nights out in Manchester include a visit to Eden, where these stacked, white heels by CHARLES & KEITH will come in handy. Their fashion-forward shape complements every outfit in my wardrobe, not just the outfits packed for this weekend.

Pre-nightclub antics, an overdue catch-up meal will be on the cards, giving me the perfect opportunity to sport this dreamy mock-croc bag. Cute but deceptively roomy, it can fit my ID, purse and the spare pair of flats I’ll inevitably need, and I can whip it out the next day without worrying about what to sacrifice because I stupidly decided to pack a micro bag so small it can barely be spotted. A win-win situation.

Whereas once I would embark on a trip away with a clutch full of jewellery I’ll inevitably forget to wear, this dainty layered necklace and matching ring is a mainstay of the weekend – the blue cherry atop each look.

Who knows what the night will hold on a weekend to Manchester… But at least I can rely on this trio of CHARLES & KEITH accessories to complement every vivid outfit I pack.

Ellen Miles, Strategy Manager

Weekend escape: A birthday trip with friends staying down the road in a luxe seaside townhouse on the south coast.

From the outside, packing light exudes effortless chic. But like a gliding swan kicking frantically beneath the surface, curating the perfect capsule wardrobe can be hard work. We’ve all quizzed the group chat – “Are we bringing swimming caps?” “How many neck scarves will I need?” – while relentlessly refreshing four contradictory weather forecasts.

To avoid sartorial angst, I’ve learned to anchor holiday outfits around a set of core accessories from CHARLES & KEITH, a Refinery29 office favourite for curated and experimental pieces. For Margate, this means shoes comfy enough for running around the beachfront but stylish enough for dinner. I can dress these buckled slip-ons up or down, and the muted colourway means they go with everything. I’ve chosen this simple yet architectural tote bag so I can quickly whip out my camera (yes, I’m that friend who suddenly thinks they’re Martin Parr at the seaside). It’s lightweight but roomy, perfect for a day of souvenir scouting and I haven’t spotted anything like it recently – a true unique. With jewellery, I’m Team Gold all the way, and – at the risk of sounding 5 years old – my favourite colour is green, so I’ll be wearing this elegant CHARLES & KEITH set all weekend.

Back home, I’m striving for a more minimal wardrobe in general. These versatile accessories will help streamline my cupboard as well as my suitcase. As they say, less is more.

Georgia Murray, Junior Fashion Editor

Weekend escape: A Friday-Monday extended trip to Copenhagen, spent in galleries, coffee shops and bars.

Many seasons of travelling for fashion month have taught me to pack stealthily, especially for weekends away. The trick is to pack basics and go hard on killer accessories that change up the look for every occasion, from city strolling (sandals, oversized bags, sunnies) to late dinners (red lipstick, statement earrings, heeled boots). 

These CHARLES & KEITH accessories do just that: I’ll pair the croc-effect boots (I love that French heel!) with ‘70s flares for gallery hopping, silk dresses for long lunches and denim skirts for more relaxed days out. Just add a snake-effect CHARLES & KEITH holdall (perfect for on-flight carry-on and everyday travel essentials like a charger, umbrella and snacks) and some statement gold jewellery and I’m good to head out and explore Copenhagen like a local. 

For the colder months I’ll be wearing the boots and bag with opaque tights and leather mini skirts for a thoroughly ‘60s vibe.

CHARLES & KEITH are the international designer brand of accessories, offering curated, experimental and desirable pieces from shoes to bags, jewellery and more.

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This week, McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook was fired for having a relationship with an employee, which though consensual was against the company’s policy. The ‘no office romance’ policy is far from unusual – more than 75% of companies ban relationships between an employee and someone in their chain of command, while other companies enforce a total ban on sexual relationships of any kind at work. Policies such as McDonald’s are seemingly put in place to guard against favouritism and abuse of power. While measures to create a work culture where a boss can never take advantage of an employee are vital and necessary, the truth is that romances between colleagues aren’t always as clear-cut.

Ben Willmott, head of public policy at the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD), says workplace romances are a fact of life and therefore cannot be banned outright, given how much time we spend with our coworkers (the average person spends about 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime) and also because everyone has a fundamental right to a private life.

According to a recent TotalJobs survey of over 5,795 people, you are more likely to meet your partner at work than in a bar, online or even through friends, with 22% of us meeting a partner in the workplace. But actually managing a romance in an office is tricky. Seventy-six percent of people in office romances keep them quiet, for a variety of reasons. We asked young people who have all had office romances to tell us why they kept quiet…

Zoe*, a 25-year-old who works in media, dated a guy in the same company but different department for about eight months and deliberately kept it quiet to “avoid overcomplicating it” and “in a bid to keep separate personal lives to work”. While work itself didn’t interfere, it did bring more traditional relationship problems into the office. “We worked on separate floors and had trust issues. I ended up catching him being unfaithful and he never came back… Haven’t spoken to him or seen him since.”

Maria*, a 23-year-old research assistant based in Berlin, dated a coworker in the same role for about three months until he had to move away, and struggled with how to tell her colleagues. “We didn’t announce it or anything – I didn’t want to presume people would care and it felt like a bit much for a new relationship. Besides, how would you even do it – WhatsApp chat? [Over] cake in the kitchen?” She was careful to check the local law (in Germany you are not required to disclose an office romance) but struggled with how to disclose it while retaining professionalism, especially as a new team member. “I didn’t want the first thing people learned about my personal life to be that I was dating my coworker, or doubt my commitment to my job.” People sussed it out eventually though, especially as they would arrive and leave together, and take their lunch breaks at the same time.

While the relationship ending is bittersweet, in Maria’s case she found it saved her from one of the pitfalls of office romances: that you see each other all the time. “I think [the relationship] was worth it, but long term it might have been difficult if we had broken up for other reasons and had to continue working together. It also means you literally see your partner ALL DAY if you sleep over, which can be a bit much for a budding relationship.”

Grace*, who works in media, couldn’t bear being office gossip and so kept her relationship secret for five months. “We worked in different departments so no one was that suspicious. I ended up breaking it off with him; he wanted it to get serious but I just wasn’t really feeling it. He was really, really hurt though and took it quite badly, pleading with me to make it work.” Keeping it quiet eventually backfired when they were moved around the office. “Two months later I was moved over to his department (one I longed to work in) and was given a desk RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. It was awful and so uncomfortable for both of us. He resigned about two months later and left the company.”

Efforts to avoid gossip can be in vain when you’re in such close quarters. Barnaby, a 27-year-old charity worker, ended up spending every day with a guy who would explicitly flirt with him (“He’d be quite touchy-feely; a lot of arms around my waist, back strokes, hip-to-hip contact – and naturally, like any human with blood in their veins, I took it as big-time flirting”) but then, when he asked said guy out, he said no. “In any normal situation, it probably would have stopped there – the man would’ve got the hint and been sensitive to my feelings, but it only intensified. He continued to act more touchy and more inappropriate. We’d go on nights out with other people and he’d be picking me up in the air or grinding on me with his semi-erect penis. Every time, without fail, he’d push it right to the edge before pulling out the Rejectville ticket or making out with someone else in front of me. All of this while knowing full well that I fancied him.” The mixed messages were compounded by the fact that the guy in question would talk to other colleagues about him, pleading ignorance or claiming “I was overly keen and it was me that wouldn’t get the message. But he would still act the same.” Despite keeping this personal part of his life on the down low, gossip still spread, with some believing the guy, not Barnaby’s version of events.

For the most part, when people are on equal footing within the company, whether or not it’s worth starting a relationship at work depends on the people involved. For Zoe, it wasn’t: “It’s easy to get distracted and there’s a higher chance energy at work can impact on how your relationship is going. Whereas most people can come to work to get away from personal stuff, working with someone you’re in a relationship with leaves little room for space and clarity.”

This is, however, complicated when power is at play. But whether current company policies such as that at McDonald’s are useful in protecting people is up for debate – arguably, more should be done to change the culture of sexual harassment instead of corporations policing consensual personal lives. As Barnaby puts it, these policies should be subjective to the work but “life is too short. If you fall in love with each other, you can’t control that – workplace or no workplace.”

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Jane Austen is now so dead that she’s on a banknote. And yet, two centuries since she died, society’s attempts to write the endings of single women’s stories on our behalf are as overbearing as they ever were.

The word “single” is so loaded. Six letters that speak to society’s problem with women and how we move through the world. The term’s direct opposite – “doubled” – implies that we are all greater in a couple than we are alone and, therefore, that anyone who is not in a relationship is somehow lesser.

Nobody likes the term, let alone what it means. And so, periodically, articles about “reclaiming singledom” go viral.

That’s why Emma Watson – a 29-year-old millionaire who has succeeded in her chosen field – has been everywhere since she told Paris Lees for British Vogue that she feared turning 30 as a single woman. 

She was fine, she said, until she hit 29. And then she suddenly felt “stressed and anxious” because of the “bloody influx of subliminal messaging” that says “if you have not built a home, if you do not have a husband, if you do not have a baby, and you are turning 30, and you’re not in some incredibly secure, stable place in your career, or you’re still figuring things out… There’s just this incredible amount of anxiety.”

Watson then described herself as “self-partnered” – a term which belongs with Gwyneth Paltrow’s “consciously uncoupling”, filed under attempts to articulate things we already know but can’t seem to say – and tweets were fired off, for and against. Comment pieces were written in praise and ridicule of her, some even somehow got the idea she was talking about masturbation, which is a weird flex but okay.

The fact that even Emma Watson, with all her success, feels the need to find a language for the fact that she doesn’t have a boyfriend or a husband is shocking but not surprising. 

We know there are worse things than losing a partner – like losing yourself – and yet, still, we know that our self-worth is implicitly measured by our ability to keep one interested, let alone in close proximity to us. 

This reinforces the inequality that underpins relationships between men and women and undermines women’s position in love, life and work. It stops us asking for what we want, what we need for fear of being seen as “needy” or “desperate” when, in fact, we just seek basic human connections. At the same time, it stops us saying that we are in unhappy relationships and would rather be alone for a while in case we are seen as somehow failing. 

Surely, we know by now that the people in a relationship are more than the sum of their parts? Two wholes coming together, adding value to already-full lives and not missing parts of one entity? 

You would think so but sadly – barely concealed by all the #GirlBoss T-shirts and femvertising dressed up as progress to sell us things we don’t need – society still subliminally says otherwise.

That’s why we need Lizzo to shout where once Beyoncé softly sung “Me, Myself and I”. That’s why we play “Water Me” on repeat but savour every single line of “Soulmate”. 

“I’m my own soulmate
I know how to love me
I know that I’m always gonna hold me down.”

We dance alone, in our bathrooms and let her tell us what we need to hear at full volume even though, rationally, we already know it to be true. 

“I’m never lonely
No I’m never lonely, no
I know I’m a queen but I don’t need no crown
Look up in the mirror like damn she the one.”

Can love, can being in a relationship, ever double what you have on your own? 

In 31 years, my experience is rather the opposite. You are whole on your own and then love cracks you wide open, sometimes taking parts of you with it that you’ll never get back.

Love isn’t a plaster for your problems or a fixer of flaws. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t embrace it when we find it but we have to stop defining single women by the absence of a partner, of what they don’t have or don’t want. 

If we are anxious all the time, as Watson says she was, then perhaps it is because we are exhausted by the performance required of us, which Deborah Levy calls “Neo-Patriarchy” in her autobiography The Cost of Living: 

“Neo-Patriarchy required us to be passive but ambitious, maternal but erotically energetic, self-sacrificing but fulfilled – we were to be Strong Modern Women while being subjected to all kinds of humiliations both economic and domestic. If we felt guilty about everything most of the time, we were not sure what it was we had actually done wrong.”

You can imagine Watson – or any other millennial woman of means for that matter – sitting on her therapist’s couch and confessing that for all her millions, for all her feminist activism, she actually feels a bit crap about being single.

And you can hear the therapist’s response: “What if you reframed it as an active choice – as self-partnering?”

It’s easy to see the appeal of this rebrand. Single women are so often described as passive characters whose lives are dictated by the whims of single men. But like other dating terms like “ghosting”, “submarining” or “breadcrumbing”, what “self-partnering” really does is distract us from what we’re really feeling and why.

You might actively choose to be single and still feel lonely sometimes. Equally, you might be in a relationship and feel lonely because it’s not right. You might genuinely be happy that you’re not in a relationship. But for everyone who is, there is someone who wishes there was someone at home to talk to at the end of the day instead of binge-watching Succession.

What we’re really talking about here is not black and white. Human relationships – with others and with ourselves – don’t work like that. There is no one way to be single, just as there is no one way to be in a relationship.

Women are being sold self-love today by late capitalism. It sells us gym leggings with slogans like “a better world starts with a better you” but the implication is still that we are lacking, less than and yet to be completed. Self-partnering is just more of the same – it’s shiny semantics designed to make us feel better about something we shouldn’t feel bad about in the first place.

We don’t need a new word for not being in a relationship but a reassessment of heteronormative relationships and what constitutes a healthy one. 

Because let me tell you this: I know some straight men who don’t love being single either. I have met them. In real life. They have also been hurt and are scared that it might happen again. They are also anxious about their futures. They say they’re happy on their own but worry about being judged for sleeping around. They are also looking on as their friends get married and questioning whether that’s what they really want. They just don’t talk about it so openly. They aren’t having labels thrown at them to validate their experience and their feelings don’t become grist for the media’s content mill. 

Where are the male dating columnists? Where are the books about the love stories that are male friendships? Where are the interviews with famous men in which they talk about their anxieties about not having a wife or girlfriend?

Men’s experiences are systematically elevated and implicitly empowered while women still have to fight to be heard and believed when we say: “Honestly, I’m okay. I’d rather be single than unhappy and maybe, one day, to find love with someone who I can be at once separate from but together with, who won’t complete me but add value to my life. But if I don’t, I’ll still be okay because I was already whole.” 

Worse still, we have to find new terms – like “self-partnered” – to convince ourselves of what we already know. We know how to love ourselves; we know we’d rather be on our own than with the wrong person. We know that we are enough. We just can’t tune out the noise that tells us that we aren’t, because when we try, it gets louder. 

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Warning! The following contains mild spoilers for BBC Two’s Giri/Haji.

There are lots of reasons to watch the BBC’s Giri/Haji (translated as Duty/Shame). 1) It gets dark at lunchtime now; 2) Sometimes I like watching TV more than my friends; 3) It’s a slick/surprising British/Japanese thriller/drama hybrid that lends itself to a forward slash; and 4) Rodney.

“Who is Rodney?” you ask. Rodney is only the best character on British TV this year, nay, ever! That’s who.

Played by the inimitable Will Sharpe, who now ranks top of my internet search history (with “Nearest place to get an STD test” in close second), Rodney is a troubled rent boy living in a flat the size of a biscuit tin. He is mighty fond of the gak (and sometimes the crack – naughty!) and deeply damaged (mummy rather than daddy issues for a change) but doing his best to party and fuck his way through the pain (hard relate). Throughout the eight imperfect episodes of Giri/Haji, Rodney takes us with him on a sweet, sarcastic, caustic, self-sabotage bender, delivering some withering one-liners along the way (while sporting some excellent bomber jackets).

Now my little butterbeans, before I present some indisputable Rodney facts – some necessary Giri/Haji backstory. When world-weary detective Kenzo Mori (Takehiro Hira) travels to London in search of his brother Yuto (Yosuke Kubozuka), who is believed to be dead but lives, he meets Rodney by chance in a Soho boozer and enlists him to help him track down the baddie brother. Kenzo also meets police officer DC Sarah Weitzmann (played by the wonderful Kelly Macdonald) and the two embark on a slow-burn, ill-fated romance. Sadly there’s as much sexual chemistry between Hira and Macdonald as there is between David Cameron and the queen but forget all that because we are here to talk Rodney and Rodney only.

Our intro to Rodney comes in episode one, where he’s arguing with his boyfriend (who he swears is not his boyfriend) Tiff. “Can I call you back? I’m in the middle of a Greek play,” Rodney tells someone on the phone when Tiff comes to confront him about being brutally dumped with no explanation. Kenzo overhears and seeks Rodney’s help as his local liaison. From here, the pair form a dynamic duo. “So what are we investigating? Someone preying on beautiful young mixed race boys…how worried should I be?” Rodney asks Kenzo.

Throughout the series Sharpe steals every scene he is in, managing to make everything from switching on a lamp to commenting on paint colours extremely funny. His turn of phrase is wonderful; he describes Kenzo’s aesthetically pleasing brother thus: “Drape a curtain round him, have him point at a naked baby and he’d be a fucking Renaissance painting.” His “Let’s never do it again sometime” line is up there with Malcolm (Peter Capaldi) in The Thick Of It‘s “Fuckity Bye!”

As well as fucking men in toilet cubicles, knocking back vodka tonics and chain-smoking like there’s no tomorrow, there is a soft, vulnerable side to Rodney. His tragic storyline with Tiff almost broke my old bootleather heart and made me cry so hard I had to blow my nose into a sock.

In episode three when Kenzo’s adorable teenage daughter Taki arrives in town, an unlikely bond forms between them and we see a kinder side of Rodney, even if he is a shitty babysitter. When Taki wonders why gay men are sometimes referred to as ‘queens’, Rodney deadpans: “Because she’s a fabulous old bitch with a hat for every occasion.”

Later, when Rodney wants to escape with Taki, he has this lightning exchange with her dad:

Rodney: “I’ll have her home by 11pm.”
Kenzo: “10!”
Rodney: “11.10! Understood!”

During this same episode, Rodney takes Taki out to a gay club in London and something that NEVER, EVER happens on TV occurs – they manage to pull off a nightclub scene that doesn’t just have a bunch of extras mouthing “I wonder when we get paid?” to one another while moving their weight from foot to foot, pretending to dance and drink red wine (clearly Ribena) while a Sophie Ellis-Bextor song plays softly in the background. I have seen so many shit nightclub scenes on British TV that I truly believe no director has ever been to an actual nightclub or stayed up past 10pm.

When Taki’s grandfather dies, a trip to the seaside to honour him is planned, to which Rodney enquires: “Couldn’t you just honour him in the pub?” After a pit stop to score more coke, they finally get going and Rodney utters this delight as they set off: “Let us bring light to the provinces!” which I intend to say every time I undertake a car journey from now on. When they arrive at the beach Rodney has his come to Jesus moment, and for him the series ends with a telling visit to his mum, which made me need to blow my nose into a different sock.

One of my favourite moments in the entire series is when Rodney goes to rehab. He sits in a community hall and listens as a man called Terry tells his story to a hushed NA group. Rodney rudely interrupts with: “You had a nice thing and you threw it away because you hate yourself.” He is told not to devalue Terry’s experience and pipe down ’til it’s his turn to share but he goes on: “Terry chose drugs over his children, so let’s not gild the lily too much vis à vis Saint Terry.”

Then he delivers this razor sharp monologue on addiction: “We all have some fundamental flaw in us that refuses to be happy or satisfied… Someone comes along and tries to help us build a little world and we let them but then the time comes and the time always comes when we shatter it into a million tiny pieces because that’s what we do… That’s why we hate ourselves and that’s why we do drugs.” After the session, when PC Plod comes to collect him he asks: “Please don’t embarrass me in front of the other drug addicts.”

Righty-oh puddings, I think that’s enough Rodney evidence for now. If you still don’t believe me, please go and binge watch the show. Then, when you too can’t get enough of Rodney, you can either hope for the Beeb to announce season 2 (they certainly left the ending open for it), get your fix of Will Sharpe in Flowers on Channel 4 (which he wrote and starred in) or join me in a petition to get a spinoff for Rodney. The world deserves one.

The concluding episodes of Giri/Haji will air on BBC Two on 7th and 14th November. All eight episodes are on BBC iPlayer now.

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Vestiaire Is Moving Into Selfridges

The beauty industry has a plastic problem. From shampoo and conditioner bottles to sheet masks and mascara tubes, the global cosmetics industry contributes significantly to plastic pollution and the statistics are a cause for concern.

Zero Waste Week recently concluded that we manufacture an enormous 120 billion units of packaging every year, a lot of which isn’t recyclable. But we aren’t ignoring the facts. According to Flawless.org, 68% of people feel guilty for not buying eco-friendly cosmetics and the industry is slowly responding. Brilliant new brands like We Are Paradoxx are choosing aluminium packaging, which can be recycled on an infinite loop. Many Lush products, including its burgeoning makeup collection, are now entirely plastic packaging-free, while Tropic has introduced compostable pouches to house its Mineral Foundation.

Entire websites dedicated to shopping eco-friendly beauty are also springing up. SUSTbeauty very recently launched with sustainable, environmentally friendly brands like Ere Perez, MONTAMONTA and Neighbourhood Botanicals. A host of companies are joining forces with waste management company TerraCycle, too. The Body Shop in particular has introduced recycle bins in various stores so that customers can return their empties instead of throwing them away.

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Aside from compostable and easily recyclable credentials, you might have spotted the trend for ‘refillable’ packaging. The concept is simple: When you’ve used the product, you are encouraged to take or send the packaging back to the store or brand you bought it from and receive a top-up, often at a reduced price. While the aforementioned alternatives are, of course, much better than single-use plastic, it’s arguably even more beneficial for the environment if you can avoid waste altogether by refilling bottles and compacts.

Thankfully, there are a number of brands taking part. You may already know about Kjaer Weis‘ Instagrammable silver compacts with room for product pods, Le Labo‘s scheme with Liberty, where you can refill your signature scent with 20% off, Hourglass‘ refillable lipstick bullets and Surratt‘s eyeliner cartridges. Interestingly though, it seems that not many of us are sold. Further research by Flawless.org found that despite a strong feeling of eco-guilt, only 21% of people have bought refillable beauty products.

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One reason could be the price point. As it stands, the majority of brands offering refillable systems are high end and mainly available in luxury department stores. This isn’t entirely accessible, says Chanel, 26. “I looked into refillable schemes because I’m a makeup addict and get through so many products, but I found that I couldn’t afford much. At first, I tried to see it as an investment. One of the blush compacts I researched would set me back around £50 and the refills would be cheaper from then on, at around £30. That said, I shop for the majority of my makeup on the high street when I can and pay something like £5.99 for blush. Even though I know the packaging isn’t very environmentally friendly, it’s what I can afford at the end of the day.”

That’s the catch-22. We want eco-friendly beauty routines but high price tags put us off. In addition, refillable schemes are often quite exclusive and involve picking up refill pods at select department stores. This is potentially easy if you live in places like London, but not so for many others who live outside major cities. Some brands offer refill schemes via post, but often postage costs must be covered by the individual. Not only is money an issue here, convenience is, too. “Having an eco-friendly beauty routine is important to me,” says Ayse, 32, who has previously sent back products via post to be refilled. “I think this is a good service but I have to admit, it’s a bit of a hassle for me and I always have to pay for postage. If this service was available on the high street for certain popular brands, I could literally just pop in on my lunch break and it would be so much easier. It’s disappointing that more brands, especially affordable ones, don’t offer this service or make it simple for loyal customers.”

Research by NPD Group recently found that the high street remains a firm favourite among British shoppers in regard to beauty, with high street stores still accounting for 80% of prestige beauty sales in 2018 compared to online retailers. This begs the question: Why aren’t refill stations readily available on the high street, where the majority of beauty lovers are spending their money? Surely this is where the biggest difference can be made.

A handful of high street brands are pioneering refillable beauty, although they are still quite under the radar. As well as housing products in post-consumer plastic, beauty editor-approved high street haircare brand Faith In Nature (available at Boots and Holland & Barrett) provides refill stations up and down the country where consumers can replenish shampoo, conditioner and more. Products start at just £2.75.

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While the service is incredibly popular among consumers, Faith In Nature’s head of marketing Hannah Whittaker mentions that there are clearly still some execution challenges when it comes to refillable schemes, which could be why they are still so few and far between. “Inconsistency on guidance in the refills area could also be the reason why more brands aren’t following suit,” she says. “However, we’ve seen such a phenomenal reaction to our refill stations. We started out with the feeling that our consumers who love our products should have the opportunity to reduce their plastic usage. This feeling was widely recognised and the refill scheme quickly became more a part of our core business.” As leaders in the field, Hannah says that the brand’s aim is not to pursue perfection in terms of how packaging looks or feels, but to stay true to the ethical heart of the brand and answer the demands of its audience. “Offering refills continues to be the perfect way for us to do this,” she adds.

In an exciting move towards sustainability, high street beauty giant Olay has recently announced that it will be testing its refillable Olay Regenerist Whip moisturiser (coming soon to the UK), as the brand has a commitment to making more of its packages recyclable or reusable. Consumers can purchase the refillable Olay Regenerist Whip package, which contains one full jar of Olay Regenerist Whip and one refill, to be placed inside the jar once empty. “The package will be sold and shipped in a container made of 100% recycled paper and will not contain an outer carton in order to reduce the use of paperboard,” Olay told R29.

Anitra Marsh, associate director of brand communications, global skin and personal care brands at P&G, who leads the global sustainability task force for those categories, adds: “We are conscious of the plastic waste accumulating in our oceans and landfills, and we aim to make more of our Olay packaging recyclable or reusable. Our refill pods are a starting point on this journey. Over time, if we moved a significant portion of Olay Regenerist moisturiser jars to a refillable offering, say five million jars’ worth, then that would save over 1,000,000 lb of plastic. We still have a lot to learn about whether consumers enjoy using a refillable form, and this pilot will help us understand more about that.” The trial has already kicked off in the US, and has proved popular. “During a three-month pilot in the US, we sold the Olay Regenerist Whip in limited edition pink jar with refill pod on olay.com in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We sold out of our supply in about 28 days, and this became the #2 bestseller on olay.com in October. We are thrilled that consumers purchased the limited edition Olay Regenerist Whip with refill pod in the US and hope to see a positive response in the UK as well.”

Also on the high street and available at Superdrug, beauty blogger-approved makeup brand Revolution offers refillable palettes for everything from eyeshadow and blush to highlighter and bronzer, starting at £4. And with MAC Cosmetics stores continuing to pop up on high streets up and down the country, it pays to know that the brand also sells refill pans for various powder products in a selection of different shades – and at a lower price than those in a compact. The Body Shop also recently launched a refill shower gel station in their Bond Street store and are looking to expand next year. The initial refill bottle is £6 (£1 more than the usual shower gel) but you can then refill the bottle for just £4 the next time you are in store, saving £1 for every refill. 

While small steps are being taken, it’s important to note that real change isn’t solely in the hands of the consumer. The responsibility also lies with brands and the government to really make a difference in tackling beauty waste. If investing in refillable schemes long-term is viable for you, then that’s great. But if the current services don’t suit your budget or lifestyle, buying into brands which use either aluminium, glass or recyclable and biodegradable packaging is a good place to start. You can read more about the best, simple ways to make your beauty routine more eco-friendly here.

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If you thought the world couldn’t get any more convoluted, wait until you hear what the rapper T.I. just said. After doing tequila shots in the intro of the podcast Ladies Like Us, the musician shockingly said that he accompanies his daughter, Deyjah Harris, at yearly gynaecologist visits to make sure the 18-year-old’s “hymen is still intact” — which he believes confirms her virginity.

The hosts of the show, Nazanin Mandi and Nadia Moham, asked T.I. if he’d had the “sex talk” with his daughters. Then he laughed as he told the totally warped story, which one can only hope is an exaggeration, lie, or a horrendous joke — for his daughter’s sake (for everyone’s sake).

“Deyjah… just graduated high school now and she’s attending her first year of college, figuring it out for herself,” the rapper says. “And yes, not only have we had the conversation, we have yearly trips to the gynaecologist to check her hymen.” The rapper then recalls that the morning after his daughter’s 16th birthday, “I put a sticky note on the door. Gyno. Tomorrow. 9:30.” 

“So we’ll go and sit down and the doctor will come and talk and, you know, the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism. He’s like, ‘You know sir, I have to, in order to share information ’— I’m like, ‘Deyjah they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you would not want me to know? See doc? No problem.’”

Neither T.I.’s or Harris’s representatives have returned requests for comments from Refinery29. 

There are about a million problems with T.I.’s statements. Losing your virginity is a personal choice. A woman’s body (including her hymen!) is her own, and no one else should have agency over it. Also, as Columbia University’s Health Q&A Internet Resource notes: Medically speaking, “the concept of an ‘intact’ hymen is a myth.”

The hymen itself is be a layer of thin tissue near the vaginal opening, with a hole in the centre. As Planned Parenthood points out, some people have thinner layers of tissue than others. Some people are born with hymens that are naturally open, too. The hymen can be stretched open or “broken” during the first time you have sex, yes, but also from inserting a tampon for the first time or all kinds of other activities, including sports. It’s also not connected to the already fraught concept of virginity, as Dr. Heather Bartos, a Texas OB/GYN and the founder of MindShift Medicine, explains to Refinery29.

“It is antiquated that hymens stay ‘intact’ until sexual activity,” she says. “Various things can disturb the hymen — the thin membrane with the eraser-sized hole in it until puberty — sports, trauma, normal frolicking of childhood… The proper thing to do is have a conversation with your adolescent about sexual activity.”

T.I. notes that his daughter’s doctor recited some of these hymen facts to him, too. “They come and say, ‘Well I just want you to know that there are other ways besides sex that the hymen can be broken like bike riding, athletics, horseback riding, and just other forms of athletic physical activity,’” T.I. said on the podcast. 

“So I say, ‘Look doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports. Just check the hymen please and give me back my results expeditiously.’”

If that wasn’t bad enough, T.I. went on to reveal to the world that: “I will say as of her 18th birthday, her hymen is still intact.” He then said that this would keep people away from his daughter because virgins are “no fun.” He added: “Who wants a virgin? Like really? All that work.”

Naturally, Twitter isn’t here for T.I.’s unique sex or parenting advice.

“my results” its her body not yours 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

— Avenge Latasha Harlins (@race_jones) November 6, 2019

Policing girls and teen’s sexuality messes them up when they reach adulthood. This situation is an extreme example of this. When your parent was the first to cross these boundaries, you’re already being taught you don’t have any sexual agency. This is harmful parenting.

— Natelegé Whaley (@natelege_) November 6, 2019

OH GOD IT SOMEHOW GETS WORSE pic.twitter.com/3Utyy406yK

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 6, 2019

Bartos said that talking publicly about his daughter’s body and her virginity is totally inappropriate. “At this point, T.I. has shamed his daughter and made her feel shame about her sexuality,” she says. “Shame has no place in gynaecology!”

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Lady Gaga has opened up about her struggles with mental health and post-traumatic stress disorder before — but in a new Elle interview with Oprah Winfrey published Wednesday, she’s getting especially candid. The 33-year-old A Star Is Born actress confides in Winfrey about the steps she’s taken to manage her mental health and practice self care, specifically after living through sexual assault at the age of 19. 

“I have PTSD,” she tells Winfrey. “I have chronic pain. Neuropathic pain trauma response is a weekly part of my life. I’m on medication; I have several doctors. This is how I survive. But you know what, Oprah? I kept going, and that kid out there or even that adult out there who’s been through so much, I want them to know that they can keep going, and they can survive, and they can win their Oscar.” 

Neuropathic pain is caused by injuries or a disease of the nervous system, Mayo Clinic notes. PTSD is a mental health condition that’s triggered by experiencing or witnessing specific traumatic events, and about one in 11 people will be diagnosed with it over their life, the American Psychiatric Association notes. Gaga encouraged anyone going through something similar to seek out mental health resources.  

“I would also beckon to anyone to try, when they feel ready, to ask for help,” Gaga says. “And I would beckon to others that if they see someone suffering, to approach them and say, ‘Hey, I see you. I see that you’re suffering, and I’m here. Tell me your story.’” 

The singer and actress also opened up to Winfrey about previous self-harming behaviours. 

“I was a cutter for a long time, and the only way that I was able to stop cutting and self-harming myself was to realise that what I was doing was trying to show people that I was in pain instead of telling them and asking for help,” she recalls. “When I realised that telling someone, ‘Hey, I am having an urge to hurt myself,’ that defused it. I then had someone next to me saying, ‘You don’t have to show me. Just tell me: What are you feeling right now?” And then I could just tell my story. I say that with a lot of humility and strength; I’m very grateful that I don’t do it anymore, and I wish to not glamorise it.” 

The APA notes that researchers are looking into mindfulness and dialectical behaviour therapy as ways to help those struggling with self-harming behaviours. Winfrey also brings up this kind of therapy in the Elle interview. “I think that DBT is a wonderful, wonderful way to deal with mental health issues,” Gaga responds. (Selena Gomez has also publicly stated that DBT “changed her life.”) DBT often consists of therapy once a week and skills training that encourages patients to manage their emotions and “build a life worth living,” as Aleta Angelosante, PhD, clinical assistant professor in the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at NYU Langone’s Child Study Centre, previously told Refinery29.

But, in the end, Gaga says a combination of medication and therapy helped her with battling her mental health struggles. She told Winfrey: “I once believed that there was no way back from my trauma. I really did. I was in physical, mental, and emotional pain. And medicine works, but you need medicine with the therapy for it to really work, because there’s a part that you have to do yourself.”

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“You’re on my fax.” – Pretty Woman, 1990

I don’t think about my appearance much. That’s a lie, I definitely think about it, but not as it relates to me being single. When I’m ironing out the countless cowlicks in my bangs or applying BB cream like it’s a potion from the Sanderson Sisters, I’m absolutely concerned with my appearance. But this isn’t because I’m hoping that looking better will turn me into live bait. I think there’s a certain amount of life confidence I get from the way I look. As if it’s a kind of armour that fortifies me against the outside world. Much as I’d like to move through life with air-dried hair and a wardrobe of nothing more than athleisure, I stand a little taller in good denim, I just do. 

Recently I was put in a position that, quite honestly, I hadn’t been in since I was still ordering DVDs from Netflix. I was asked to consider if my appearance was keeping me single. It isn’t, but the question itself makes for good content, so here we go. A commenter on this series recently remarked on my “librarian-like” appearance (as a negative, can you imagine?), suggesting I should really put my back into sprucing up the way I look in order to end this horrifically embarrassing and shameful state I’m in. You know, being single. 

There’s so much “no” to unpack there, but for the purposes of this discussion I’d like to focus on two main points: First, physical presentation and worthiness of partnership have literally nothing to do with each other. And second, I’m fucking stunning, so shut up. 

I’m not a big fan of taking overt action for the sole purpose of ending singleness. I don’t think I’ve been unclear in my exploration of all the ways being single doesn’t deserve its societal stigma and shame. The programming that’s been force-fed to women to make us believe that not having a partner is akin to rotting like a rancid pumpkin on a doorstep is a formidable foe, so I will repeat myself. If we change who we are, how we behave, and yes — what we look like — in order to “catch” a man, we’d have to change who we are forever. 

The scenario that makes far more sense and quite frankly sounds more affordable is that who we are right now is entirely worthy and deserving of love, partnership, companionship, and sexual desire. If we want to be wantable, we are. Right here, right now. 

Adages don’t sit well with me, but this one’s alright: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A more modernised version might be that we’re all allowed to be attracted to different things, and that all of those things can be amazing and valid. The idea sheds beauty standards altogether and instead customises desirability to the individual. Which in my opinion sounds far more inclusive and fun. I like the idea of everyone being able to want, love, and have whatever they desire. You might not prefer tall blonde dudes with Peaky Blinders haircuts, glasses, and more books than video games but I sure as shit do. Here’s hoping those guys like 5’6 girls with bangs and a penchant for cosy sweaters and too many kitchen appliances. 

I take a lot of comfort in the idea that we all have different tastes. I like the idea of people waking up next to someone who feels made for them. I think we all deserve that. I also think we’ll all have it. I believe it was Morgan Freeman’s character in Robin Hood, Prince Of Thieves who said, “Allah loves wondrous variety.” You got that right. 

Back to [hair flip] the important topic: Me. I’m fully aware that the current beauty spectrum ranges from soaking wet Kardashian to fairy tale bridge troll, and I’m probably hovering somewhere around the middle. What matters is not what other people think of the way I look, but what I think of the way I look. It’s 2019 and Lizzo is in power, the most important opinion of my appearance is my own. But even the most self-loving, body-positive person will be tested by societal beauty standards now and then. I have an example of this: My hair. 

A year ago I chopped off my long hair in favour of a bob inspired by Michelle Pfeiffer’s character in Scarface. I’d caught a glimpse of how stringy and withered my hair appeared from the back and that seemed like a good catalyst for change. At that point I was not, nor had I ever been a short hair person. I’m a long hair person, from a long hair family. To tell you the truth I don’t know where my bravery came from that day. Maybe it was the fear that my hair was starting to look like the stuffing in an Easter Basket, I dunno. 

The first thought in my head when the chair spun around was, “boys won’t like me anymore.” Boys like girls with long hair. I don’t have long hair. Boys won’t like me. I feel no shame in admitting this because it was simply societal programming bubbling to the surface, and then dissipating into thin air. Because an instant later I saw how much healthier my hair looked, how much more style it had, and I how I had more fun every time I looked in the mirror. Logically, people are attracted to all sorts of hairstyles. Personally, I’m happy with this hairstyle. And universally speaking it doesn’t actually matter if boys like me. What matters is having a great goddamned haircut. Which I do.

The real way I feel about my appearance as it relates to my relationship status is this: I’m a human woman. Which means I’ve spent a lot of years and probably a lot of money trying to get to a place where the way I look, dress, and present myself feels comfortable. And I use the word comfortable to mean a lot of things: confident, approachable, warm, void of foot pain — all that. And after all of my effort, to get myself to a place where I like how I look, why then would I want a partner who wants anything other than exactly that? 

I’m not single because of the way I look. Being single isn’t something that has a “because.” But self love does. I look the way I do because I want to. Because this version of my physical appearance makes me happy. No, I don’t look like the pouting Instagrammer in an infinity pool in Thailand, and I never will. But the way I look is no less desirable to the person who is right for me. In my house, in my mirror, beauty will always be up to the individual, and their unique tastes, and nothing will ever be altered or “improved” in order to get the attention of a member of the opposite sex. Because in the right relationship for me, the way I look right now will already have it. 

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“In one more drink, I’ll be ready to hit on you.” “You’re too much of a nice girl for me.” “I like your shoes, they look really comfortable.” According to one popular Reddit post, these are a few classic examples of “negging,” a tactic self-described “pickup artists” use in an attempt to attract women. 

Sound terrible? You’re right. The technique originated in “pickup artist” communities in the late ‘90s and early 2000s, in which some straight men aimed to become experts in “the art of seduction.” These communities have been widely condemned as misogynistic, and even accused of inciting violence against women: Elliot Rodger, who killed six people in 2014, was a member of online pickup artist forums.

In a New York Times article published in 2004, pickup artist Neil Strauss credited the invention of the “neg” to fellow pickup artist Erik von Markovik. “Neither a compliment nor an insult, a neg holds two purposes: to momentarily lower a woman’s self-esteem and to suggest an intriguing disinterest. (‘Nice nails. Are they real? No? Oh, they look nice anyway.’),” Strauss writes.

No sooner did the general public learn of negging than they, largely, condemned it. Urban Dictionary’s most popular definition, written in 2009, is: “Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. This is something no decent guy would do. They say that the assholes get the girls, but I can spot negging a mile away and I reject these f*ckers straight off.” In 2015, Jezebel asked readers to share the “best worst neg you’ve ever heard.” A few gems: “You know, I usually like really skinny, pretty Barbie doll types, but I really like you. You are so real and low maintenance. I like how you don’t put so much into your appearance. You’re so real,” and, “I love homely girls. You remind me of my grandma. But you’re kinda sexy, can I have your number?”

So, is there any truth to “negging”? Writing for Psychology Today, Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D., notes that one 1965 study found that “when an individual is made to feel ‘low,’ they find potential romantic partners more attractive” — but only in the short term. “First and foremost, using such tactics often comes from a place of powerlessness and low self-esteem,” Nicholson writes. “In the end, then, they may not lead to lasting, satisfying relationships — just to both individuals being miserable. Therefore, while the potential short-term effects are intellectually interesting, any temporary gain could be off-set by even greater long-term difficulties.”

Although negging has been around for a while, it’s unfortunately still thriving in 2019. Reddit’s r/seduction, a popular “pickup artist” group, features a guide to “negging” published just three days ago. So, women who date men, be careful out there: if someone tries to hit on you with an insult, stay far, far away.

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Brooklyn-based journalist and public speaker Marjon Carlos, 36, is one of those women you’re instantly drawn to. We simultaneously want to hear her nuanced thoughts on the latest political debate, steal her wardrobe and tear up the town with her. Carlos entered journalism “through the side door” – she didn’t study the craft or intern and work her way up but instead pursued identity politics at university, honing her voice through the lens of academia. “I wanted to talk about fashion in larger terms: I wanted to discuss the implications of a trend on race, class and gender, and so that point of view helped me create a lane for myself,” she tells me. This perspective took her from writing a personal blog to heading up Solange’s Saint Heron platform, before landing a gig at US Vogue as senior fashion writer.

She’s now freelance again, writing op-eds on everything from allyship to kitten heels via smart profiles on the likes of Lupita Nyong’o and Kimora Lee Simmons. The highlight of her career so far? “If I have made it a little easier for a young POC to make it in this industry, then I’m good,” she says. “A lot of young black women at Vogue today thank me for opening that door for them, and it feels fulfilling. I went through a lot at that job, and to know it all wasn’t in vain is ultimately rewarding.”

Fashion is in real flux right now and while positive progress is being made, it’s not happening at the pace it should. As a prominent and change-making voice in the industry, where does Carlos see the path to true evolution beginning? “I speak a lot about diversity in fashion and I fear that I may be going in circles on the topic because ultimately we’ll need to exact initiatives to change shit,” Carlos says. “So I’ve been thinking deeply about what that looks like, and I think it’s no longer the onus of POCs in the biz to speak up, but rather white folks to step down and start giving up power. If fashion says it wants more inclusivity and diversity that means we’ll need more POCs as editors-in-chief or photographers, stylists, directors, writers writing cover stories, etc. That’s what that looks like. Are my white allies willing to do that, is the question. That’s the change I want to see.”

Of course, there’s her personal style, too. Scroll through her Instagram feed and you’ll understand how she’s amassed nearly 15,000 followers: think Ganni tie-dye denim, mood-boosting colour blocking, maximalist prints galore and a demonstrable penchant for fantastic dresses. In short: Carlos is the coolest woman dominating our feed right now and, with a book on the horizon – “I’m really committed to new forms of storytelling that extend past journalism, and my book is just that” – we’ll soon be lucky enough to dive deeper into her brilliant mind. While we wait, though, we thought we’d get to know the journalist a little better. Here she answers our 29 questions, from her current crush to her favourite condiment, and who she thinks will save the world.

When was the last time you cried?
Just a few days ago. I was overwhelmed by a relationship gone bad and just let it out.

What music should we be streaming right now?
I’ll be honest in saying that I haven’t found a full body of work in several years that rocks me – I think today’s artists give us amazing singles but I haven’t been blown away by a whole album in a long time. With that said, I am listening more to a vibe: so I’ve got Steve Lacy, DaniLeigh, H.E.R., SiR, Ari Lennox, Summer Walker on heavy rotation. It’s easy, sexy, sensual, very LA music. But I’m really waiting for Rihanna to drop an album and ruin my life.

What’s your favourite meme?
My favourite memes are anything to do with NeNe Leakes, Rihanna or Oprah.

What does love mean?
I think love is the unconditional. It’s free of judgment and excuses. You simply feel for someone so greatly, in whatever form they are in, and are willing to do for them no matter what. 

What would you last meal on Earth be?
Probably a Maine lobster with plenty of butter and a bottle of Sancerre to wash it all down OR fish tacos with rice, beans and guac.

The song that always gets you on the dance floor?
Barack Obama said that if you ever wanted to get a party started, play Aretha Franklin’s “Rock Steady”. He wasn’t wrong.

Most underrated film?
Two Can Play That Game – it’s an iconic romcom that really gets to the heart of how we play games in this thing called love.

Favourite condiment?
Mayonnaise! 

Who is gonna save the world?
Women of colour.

Who is your current crush?
Mahershala Ali and the dude who works at my bodega.

Describe yourself in three words…
I can’t tho.

Who is on your dream dinner party guest list, and what are you cooking for them?
Zadie Smith, Tracee Ellis Ross, Oprah, Jane Fonda, Rihanna, Meghan Markle, Anjelica Huston, Michelle Obama, AOC, Gabrielle Union and Toni Morrison. I would love to make them a huge pot of seafood gumbo with a side of cornbread.

Best hangover meal?
PROTEIN and a little hair of the dog.

What keeps you awake at night?
The future. It’s hard to remain optimistic these days or try to concoct a five-year plan when I read the headlines and see where my country is headed.

What is your most recent saved photo on Instagram?
This picture of civil rights leader Gloria Richardson coolly pushing a gun out of her face and giving a white police officer the illest side-eye. She was an icon and this is a forever mood.

Desert island beauty product?
My epi.logic Even Balance face toner, LESSE face oil and Pattern detangling brush.

Next holiday destination?
Either back to New Orleans or Jamaica. They are such magical places where I can really be myself.

The three headliners at your dream festival?
Sade, Fiona Apple, Rihanna.

Tell us a secret…
I stan Kourtney Kardashian. 

Which creative making moves should we be following?
I’m biased but I have a really incredible, talented community of friends, so shout out to Pam Nasr, Mecca James Williams, Cynthia Cervantes, Lutfi Janania, Christopher John Rogers, DeVonn Francis, Dana Scruggs, Brian Grimotes and Mia Carucci.

If you could live in any decade from the past, which would it be and why?
Well, time travel is hard for black folks – we often must look to the future – but if I had to choose, it would be any time between 700-1400 AD Spain, when the Moors ruled.

Which fashion trend do you wish would die?
Mass consumption! We don’t need any more clothes – trust me on that! 

What phrase, word or motto do you say the most?
“And that’s that on that” or “Can I be honest?” (which is rhetorical, because I am always honest).

Where can we find you on Saturday night?
Either at a long, rowdy dinner with friends or at home, reading.

Favourite place on Earth?
The beach.

Dating apps are…
Trash. My therapist kept insisting I try them and I was like, “Listen, I need the in-person interaction. I need to have that ‘I-peep-you-from-across-the-room’ lightning bolt moment. I need to smell the other person’s pheromones and see how our bodies respond to one another. I need to see how this person treats others. Are they kind? Shy? Outgoing? Funny? Rude? I need to see it all up close. Dating apps flatten that experience.

What can’t you leave the house without?
My MAKE Marine Salve, phone, headphones, wallet and keys.

What beauty product can’t you live without?
My FENTY foundation makes my skin glow and my Diana Vreeland Empress of Fashion perfume differentiates me in a room full of people wearing Santal…

What’s the next fashion item you’ll be buying?
I have had my eyes on a pair of Simon Miller white boots and I also want to find the perfect pair of black mom jeans – I saw Kourtney Kardashian wearing a pair and I have been on the hunt ever since.

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At the age of 16, Tasha Bishop was diagnosed with MRKH, a condition that affects one in every 5,000 women. It means you are born without a vagina, cervix and uterus. Formally known as Mayer Rokitansky Küster Hauser syndrome, those who are affected never get periods or give birth to their own children, and without invasive treatment, can’t have penetrative sex. Although life-changing, Tasha’s diagnosis led her to start vital conversations surrounding fertility, with the 22-year-old creating her own charity The Pants Project and most recently a podcast called Body Language. Here she talks to Refinery29 about her extraordinary life…

How did you first come to find out about your condition?

When I was 16, I broke my hand playing hockey at school. My mum took me to hospital for it to be X-rayed and have a cast put on it and I was sitting on a bench outside when a woman in labour was wheeled past me on a bed. Up until that day, I hadn’t really given my lack of periods too much thought – I just sort of assumed they would arrive sometime soon. When I was 12, I fabricated a lie using some red food colouring from my mum’s cooking cupboard, pouring the whole bottle all over my whitest pair of pants so I could show my friends that I was like them, too. I was the last girl in my year at school who hadn’t started her period, and I felt so obtuse and odd that I just wanted to be part of the period club. I wanted to be grown-up and sit on the side of the pool with the other period girls while they watched the boys swim during PE lessons. I wanted to complain and eat crap for a week every month. Since I fake-perioded myself into society at 12 years old though, I hadn’t really given my period a second thought…until seeing that woman in the hospital. It was almost like a premonition: I knew if I didn’t get my period, I would never be pregnant. I couldn’t face the waiting game any longer, so I went to my GP, who told me there was nothing wrong and “a watched kettle never boils”. I went back a month or so later and demanded some tests. After many, MANY doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds, tears and statements like “There’s probably nothing wrong with you, I’m sure you’re just a late bloomer,” I was finally diagnosed.

What did your diagnosis mean for your plans to have children?

I often joke that I’m a really bad feminist because all I wanted growing up was to be a mother. I wanted the white picket fence life, with babies to look after and children to laugh with. Since my diagnosis, I would say that I’ve become so much more aware of how the ‘mum dream’ is literally tied up in a perfect happy ribbon and sold to young girls. I always had dolls growing up and Baby Annabell was my prize possession… There was never a point when anyone sat me down and said: Children do not magically appear from your body, you might very well not have children, and actually you are capable of so much more than being a mother.

Did the diagnosis affect your relationships?

Inside, I felt my relationships with my female friends sour. I was jealous of everything their bodies could do, and annoyed that they didn’t really sympathise. They tried to rationalise everything and told me that science would be so advanced by the time we were all 30, it wouldn’t matter anyway, and I was lucky I didn’t have a period every month. I know they were trying to be supportive in a carefree 16-year-old way, but I’d had to grow up about 10 years in two weeks, and no longer felt carefree in any way. Romantic relationships-wise, my diagnosis changed everything. I didn’t want to be anywhere near boys. I didn’t want them to touch me or know anything about me or my body. I was seeing a guy for a month or so before I met my current boyfriend, and fell for him pretty hard. I trusted him and tried to tell him about my MRKH syndrome. He dumped me the next day, on Christmas Eve. Then, out of nowhere, the guy I’ve been with for nearly six years walked into my life. I told him about MRKH and the ways it would affect me and us as a couple, and obviously I was terrified. He took it like I was telling him the weather – completely unflinchingly, which was perfect. The treatment to have sex is different for different MRKH women, but generally it means you go into hospital for a week for the treatment and they tell you it’s best if you’re in a relationship where you’re having sex regularly. Since I was pretty busy with important exams from 16 to 18, it wasn’t until I was 19 that I could have the treatment that would enable me to have sex. I’m very lucky that my boyfriend loved me and was patient enough to wait nearly two years, but I can’t imagine it’s that ‘easy’ for a lot of other MRKH women. It’s also not something that then goes away. Every time we have sex or I try to masturbate or anything like that, it’s either physically painful or psychologically jarring. Instead of enjoying myself, my mind goes right back to lying on a hospital bed, having doctors help me create a clinical vagina.

How did the diagnosis make you feel about being a woman?

When I was first diagnosed, at 16, I felt totally body dysmorphic. One of the last post-diagnosis MRKH tests I had to do was a hormone test. The (male) doctor looked at my breasts and said, “Looking at you, I’m sure everything’s fine, but we’re just going to run a hormone test to check you’re 100% female.” I’d gone from assuming I was a normal girl for 16 years of my life to suddenly being told I have this undefinable body that’s missing things that identify it as female. Suddenly, I didn’t know what it meant to be feminine. I didn’t know what was socially or scientifically thought of as feminine. I had to invent my own definition and convince myself that how I felt inside my own mind – a heterosexual biological female – is how I should define my gender, femininity and sexuality. That convincing took a long time. I took a lot of inspiration from the trans community; they so bravely trust their instincts, despite the battering ram of bullying they face from society in regards to their own definition as humans. It really inspired me to take control of my own mind, body and ‘definition’. Nowadays, I don’t believe in binary definitions or definitions in any shape or form really. I hope the children I one day adopt will be able to grow up in a world that allows them to be whoever they choose to be.

How does it affect your life now?

It affects me differently on different days. On the bad days, it rules everything: how I react to female friends (rightfully) complaining about period pain, how I feel about seeing a pregnant woman or random children in the street, how much I enjoy sex, how I feel about my body, how I feel about feminism – pretty much how I feel about everything. On the good days, it’s easier to put it into a box in my mind and separate it from the rest of the world.

Do you ever feel left out of conversations with friends regarding sex or having children?

I used to. My friends at school would name their children and discuss future lives where they’d all be godmother to each other’s children. I would hate that, I’d shrink into my mind and sit there in stony silence wishing I could scream at them all to wake up and realise how unsympathetic they were being. Now, I’m in a much better place and have accepted that there will be conversations I can’t relate to but that doesn’t mean that motherhood is a pie I can’t have a slice of. I will be a mother in my own way. I also now have very close female friends who involve me in all children conversations in an empathetic way. They sit with me in the hole of misery during bad days, and have the difficult conversations that other people feel too awkward to broach. Conversations about sex are different. I am very happy in my relationship and don’t want to be single or sleeping with anyone else, but I found university especially difficult when friends would come back in the morning after a one-night stand and I’d feel a strange pang of jealously that even if I were single, I could never really have carefree, one-night stand sex. My body just isn’t really capable of it. On a different tack, I feel particularly left out of online feminist community conversations when women talk about their bodies being divine because they are fertile and create life etc. I think if we are centring feminism in the fertile, biologically female body, we have a big problem.

How do you feel about having children now?

I have looked into various options and I think I will make a decision about children with my partner when I’m ready, on my own terms. I know there will be children in my life one way or another – motherhood is just a part of who I am as a person – but until I’ve made that decision, I don’t feel I have to share it with the world. I share so much of my body, story and intimate life decisions with the world through The Pants Project, I want children – whenever and however they come about – to be a life entity that stays personal to me.

The Body Language podcast is available now on Apple Music.

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By this point, you might be wondering which Stephen King novel hasn’t been turned into a film or TV series. Since 2013 alone,18 Stephen King or King-inspired movies and TV shows have come out, and there are plenty more in the works (like HBO’s 2020 series The Outsider, and the upcoming Salem’s Lot). We’ve got one more adaptation coming our way: Doctor Sleep, in theaters November 8.

If you saw trailers for Doctor Sleep and thought, “this looks so familiar,” then you were definitely on to something. Here’s what you need to know before seeing it this weekend.

Yep, Doctor Sleep Is Sequel To The Shining

Doctor Sleep, published in 2013, is, in fact a sequel to The Shining, which was published in 1977. The Shining movie, starring Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall, came in 1980.

Do You Absolutely Need To See The Shining Before Doctor Sleep?

Well, it’d help. But if you haven’t read or watched The Shining (or it’s just been a minute), here’s a quick plot refresher: The Shining follows Danny Torrance (Danny Lloyd), a child with psychic powers called “the shining” or “the shine.” This means he can read minds and can also see into the future. When his dad, Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson), moves him and his mom Wendy (Shelley Duvall) to The Overlook, a remote hotel in the Colorado Rockies for a job as a caretaker, Danny’s powers are essentially activated, allowing him to see what the hotel really is and what it does to people. Jack is also told that the previous caretaker, Charles Grady, committed suicide before murdering his wife and daughters. Jack takes the job anyway.

Jack, who’s an aspiring writer, uses the solitude as an opportunity to start writing a novel. It’s off-season, so there are no guests to take care of. However, Jack doesn’t get much writing done, and begins to act stranger and stranger to his family. 

While Jack “writes,” Danny explores the hotel. He has an imaginary friend named Tony who he talks to using his index finger. Tony (derived from Danny’s middle name, Anthony) who is basically an extension of Danny, helps him navigate the hotel, and teaches him not to be afraid of his powers. Danny also makes a real friend, the hotel’s chef Dick Hallorann (Scatman Crothers), who also happens to have the shining. The two telepathically communicate, and Mr. Hallorann tells Danny to stay away from room 237.

Of course Danny checks out room 237, because this is a scary movie and people in scary movies do dumb things especially when they’re told not to. Danny is playing with his blocks when he sees the door to room 237 open, and he walks toward it. Meanwhile, Jack falls asleep at his typewriter and has a terrible nightmare that he killed his wife and son. He tells Wendy this, and when Danny shows up covered in visible bruises, Wendy thinks Jack did it. But actually, a woman in room 237 attacked Danny, which he explains.

Jack checks room 237 too, after getting a drink from a dead bartender. He sees the woman as well, but says nothing. In fact, we encounter several ghosts wandering throughout the halls of The Overlook.

At one point, Wendy comes across the novel he’d been working on, only to find the sentence “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” typed over and over. Danny starts chanting the word “redrum,” writing it on the wall. Using a mirror, Wendy sees that it’s “murder” spelled backward. It’s clear to Wendy that The Overlook isn’t having a very positive effect on everyone’s mental health, so she decides the family needs to leave ASAP.  

Jack violently refuses, so she knocks him out with a baseball bat and locks him in the kitchen pantry. He, of course, escapes, and chases her and Danny around the hotel. Danny’s able to escape through a bathroom window while Wendy is stuck in the locked room while Jack tries to make his way in with an axe. In the iconic scene, Wendy conveniently has a knife which she uses on Jack to get away. 

Mr. Hallorann, who was away in Florida, comes back in a snowcat after having some bad feelings about what was happening at the hotel. Jack runs into him and kills him, then chases after Danny. Danny outsmarts him and he and his mom are able to get away on the snowcat, leaving Jack to freeze to death. 

So, What’s Doctor Sleep About?

Doctor Sleep takes place decades after what happened at The Overlook (which has since been abandoned and left to rot). Danny, who now goes by Dan (Ewan McGregor), is still traumatised by what happened, and copes by drinking. Dan, who seems to have inherited his dad’s temperament and alcohol addiction, becomes a nomad for several years, running away from his past and his memories. However, he decides to clean up his act and start over (in the book, at least). Dan moves to New Hampshire, where he gets a job at a hospice. Since he isn’t able to suppress his powers with booze anymore, Dan uses them to provide comfort to dying patients, which is how he gets the nickname “Doctor Sleep.” 

The return of the shining also leads Dan to Abra Stone (Kyleigh Curran), a teenage girl with the same powers. Both of them learn that a group of powerful, dark entities with their own version of the shining (called the True Knot), are after Abra. Their leader, Rose the Hat (Rebecca Ferguson), believes kidnapping Abra will make them stronger. Rose the Hat and the True Knot have seemingly been searching for people with the shining and either absorbing their powers, or turning the individuals into one of their kind. They plan to do the same with Abra, whose powers are the most potent Rose the Hat has ever encountered.

Dan and Abra go back to The Overlook, except now it’s the True Knot’s headquarters. It’s there that Dan is confronted by the literal ghosts of his past — except this time it (maybe) seems like they’re here to help him and Abra defeat Rose the Hat and the True Knot. Or they’re there to continue terrorizing Dan.

Either way, expect to be reunited with characters from The Shining like the Grady twins (the creepy girls in blue dresses Danny runs into in the original film) who are played by Kk and Sadie Heim, and Mr. Hallorann (Carly Lumbly). Jack and Wendy Torrance seem to make an appearance, but they’re played by Henry Thomas and Alex Essoe, so it’s unclear whether they return in a flashback or the actors playing ghosts. 

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Let’s be real: The main goal of most beauty services is to save us time in our everyday lives, whether it’s with our eyelashes, hair, skin, or anything else. That’s why new treatments that promise easier mornings are always gaining popularity, including one of newest: eyebrow extensions.

Just imagine waking up with the arches of your dreams, all without applying pencils, pomades, or powders. It sounds awesome, so what’s the catch? To find out, we chronicled the whole experience in our latest episode of Macro Beauty — which you can watch above — and sought out the pros to uncover everything there is to know about this novel procedure, below. From the basics to aftercare, keep scrolling for everything you need to know about a treatment that guarantees bushy, full brows in a flash.

The Basics

Similar to eyelash extensions, this process involves applying synthetic hairs with medical-grade adhesive that’s safe for skin. However, unlike lashes — which are extended by glueing one hair to one natural lash — you don’t need your own brow hairs to apply eyebrow extensions. While they can be applied to existing eyebrow hairs, each hair can also be applied directly onto the skin.

The treatment serves as a great option if you don’t have many (or any) natural brow hairs, whether you tweezed them into oblivion back in the day, have naturally-thin brows, or for anyone who has lost them due to medical reasons. Of course, it’s also great for anyone who just wants more fullness. “Eyebrow extensions are a great solution for those interested in fuller brows but aren’t ready to make a full commitment to microblading,” says Umbreen Sheikh, founder of Wink Brow Bar.

Additionally, extensions differ from brow tinting or microblading because they only last up to two weeks. “Brow extensions are more suited for a special event than everyday wear,” says Clementina Richardson, celebrity lash expert and founder of Envious Lashes, which offers an eyebrow extension service.

If you have oily skin, extensions glued to the skin could last just a matter of days. However, when applied to brow hairs, rather than the skin, they have the chance to go up to four weeks before needing a refill. Longevity varies from person to person, so it’s good to keep the upkeep in mind.

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A post shared by Celebrity Eyelash Expert (@enviouslashes) on Jun 14, 2016 at 5:43pm PDT

Finding A Technician

This treatment is both an art and a science, so it’s important to check out your potential technician’s work beforehand and verify their qualifications. To start, look at before and after photos. For example, it’s important they use thin hairs so the result looks like your brows, but better. “The strands of hair used must be very fine for a natural look,” Richardson says. “Otherwise, it will look very fake, almost like bad hair plugs.”

As with any beauty service, safety is also crucial. “Finding someone who is certified to apply brow extensions is a must,” adds Richardson. “Depending on the state, the stylist also needs to be licensed, not just certified.” Call the salon and inquire about past work, experience, and qualifications, then read reviews online. Before you start, make sure you trust the technician and find the salon clean and professional. While there are fewer risks with extensions than services like microblading — since there are no needles used — it’s still important to stay diligent about safety during any treatment.

When it comes to pricing, it will vary based on location, desired thickness, and the technician. Costs could range anywhere from under £80 for a quick-fix to £250 for a larger fill-in.

Preparing For Your Appointment

You should arrive for your appointment with clean brows — meaning no makeup or skin-care products in that area. “A clean base is needed for the best hold,” says Richardson. You and your technician will discuss your goals before selecting the hair lengths and colour. The appointment could last anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours, depending on the number of hairs applied and the work required.

Being that there is zero pain, both Richardson and Sheikh say it should be a relaxing experience, but if you do experience pain, let the technician know immediately just in case it’s a negative skin reaction. Those with sensitive skin can always request a patch test a few days before — often done on the inside of the arm — to be sure your skin will react well to the glue.

Caring For Your Brow Extensions

Upkeep starts immediately after your session, as you cannot wet your eyebrows for the first 48 hours. For the entire time of wear, you should avoid eyebrow makeup, keep oil-based products or heavy creams away from that area, and there’s no sleeping on them. But most importantly, keep your hands off if you want them to last since rubbing can cause shedding. To clean them, Richardson recommends dabbing the area with a damp cotton cloth.

As far as removal, it should be done by a professional, or just wait for them to shed. Overall, if you’re looking for less of a commitment than microblading, but more of a fix than eyebrow pencils, this option is best for you — now press play above to watch the treatment in action.

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